Week 34 | Current Mood.
Current mood. This week's theme was a direct reflection of where I am at in my personal life. I chose not to share my own work with the group, until now, so as not to skew their perceptions of this theme. And what everyone shared spoke to me on different levels, which was beautiful and which is the point of these weekly themes.
This is going to be hard to write. It's hard to talk about, even with myself. My internal dialogue is currently so clouded, such a whirlwind mixed with emotion, that I find myself putting up walls and shutting out the bad. Focusing on external sources of happiness, like my children, like my art....gives me peace, security and a sense of normalcy during the hard times.
I struggle with the balance between being authentic and "airing dirty laundry" on social media. I have always been, and will always be exactly ME on any social media platform I own/run. But that means when I'm presented with a hardship or a challenging life experience, that I'm not sure how to navigate, I focus on those external sources of happiness.....and that's what I show the world. It's all still real, but I leave out much of the struggle. You see, I don't exactly know how to talk about it yet. And this blog post won't divulge all of the details. I'm just not ready. So, what's the point of writing this? Well, I have found, in the past 3.5 years of being active in this creative world, the post powerful change comes from honesty within the creative community. Knowing that you are not the only one struggling....knowing that you are not alone....even if the circumstances for the struggle are different.....it's empowering and it's healing.
This is a chapter in my life in which there is so much joy and success, however it is intertwined with heartbreak and turmoil. Know this...I AM ok. And I will be ok. But I wasn't ok, intermittently, for a while. And struggles will continue to arise. But I will continue to persevere. And I will always be OK. And so will you, no matter what. We are all in this together.
The final image in this post is mine.... A self portrait that I took 18 months ago. A time of struggle. I am sharing this with you, because I look back on that image and I'm flooded with emotion. Because I'm finally seeing the light. Because there is always light.